Friday, January 28, 2011

Twitter: America's only culturally accepted strip club.

You know how when you're in a strip club for the first time? And you get that voi-
What do you mean some of  you've never been in a strip club?
Yeah, I was there with Tyler once.
Yes, he's gay.... Why? Is that weird?
ANYWAY, so you're there, right? And this is what's going on in your head

You're here to look, that's the point of a strip club.  
You're supposed to look,  why did you come here if you're not going to look?
Just look. People are going to think you're weird if you keep staring at the ceiling. JUST LOOK!
Okay! Okay I'm gonna look. 

Two second glance then your eyes focus anywhere but on the flappy hoo-ha directly in front of your face.

This is what I feel like every time I look at a celebrity's twitter page.  It makes me really uncomfortable. Like I'm staring a a giant, foldy, hoo-ha.

Last night while I was bored at work I went through and picked a couple of celebrities to follow, because ah...  EVERYONE is doing it you know! I did already have some people on my list. No HUGE names or anything, just a few famous people. If I named them here I'm sure some of you would still be like, "Um... who the heck is that?"  But last night when I started following NPH, Pink, Lady Gaga, etc.... Things got strange.

NPH is gushing about fatherhood
Pink is trying to assemble a crib for the baby
Tom Felton has odd food cravings.

I can't do this. This is weird. 
It's fine, people do this all the time. 
This feels really, really wrong... Like I'm a stalker or something.
Quit being such a baby! It's just a little hoo-ha.

And that's when it hit me.

I don't know these people. I have no right to be looking at their hoo-has! Twitter is like a giant strip club of one sided relationships with people who will never return the affection/attraction you feel for them. Five years ago the only way I would know Rob Thomas is watching "It's a Wonderful Life" is if I were peaking in his living room window. Now it's automatically sent to my cell phone. Why do we feel like it's okay be be privy to this (sometimes really private) information?

* No offense is intended by this post *

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